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breathe.
is it sunday or am i dreaming? it must be sunday, for i do not feel like waking up again. nevertheless i wake up and i get up. no. it's monday.
---
you know that feeling you get when you eat a piece of candy and the disappointment and longing for more when it's dissolved and gone?
can you feel it?
---
i'm always late to school nowadays. before there was my alarm clock and there was her. now i just have the plain piece of mechanism. the first week after i was late everyday but the thursday. thursday i didn't sleep at all. i even tried setting up my own obstacle course. i put my alarm clock on the far side of my bed so i couldn't reach it without walking to it. i fell asleep on the floor. next day i put it in a drawer, locked it and put the key on the bookcase. i slept with it ringing in my ear. i was that determined. next day i put it in the living room. i couldn't hear it then.
i always win over my alarm clock, the poor soul
but her voice always woke me up
---
i'm always forgetting things nowadays.
nobody there to remind me to take the house keys.
---
don't talk about lunch or dinner or supper or breakfast
i'm learning how to cook from a library cookbook
i go to the library every time i get locked out
steady progress, steady
---
i always told her off when she told me off
screamed and tackled her when she told me to do homework
or clean my room
or spend less
study more
daydream less
watch less tv, it's bad for my eyes
now my homework tackles me, she's not here to help me with it
stupid algebra
i clean my room all the time, it takes my mind off the silence
spend nothing, there's nothing to spend
and i used to laugh at buttons in piggy banks...
don't talk about dreams either. i have none
okay?
i don't watch tv anymore
maybe the silence is better for me
---
oh the silence
it's painful
---
and you understand right?
you understand that i have to wash my own clothes
cook my own food
earn my own money
talk to myself
play piano for nobody
ask myself what to wear and ask library books how to wear them?
you understand?
no believe me, there is a section for library book on how to tie up hair and it's actually very informative
---
where's dad?
working.
where're my friends?
talking about boys probably
hey, what's laughter again?
---
funny.
funny how i get A+ in my maths now.
it's pretty easy to do it actually
just get rid of your mum.
literally.
funny how i don't like rock music anymore
i never thought my obsessions would end
funny that pink isn't my favourite colour anymore
i like grey now
no. i really do, believe me
please?
manners, what good are they now?
---
mummy can you see me?
i'm a good girl now
i cried too much and he left me
that's okay, you were right
i'm strong
but i still shatter when i think of you
crumble under the weight of the air
i can do maths now
i clean my room
i can cook
i can sew
i can play piano like my teacher
i can sing
i can paint
i can write like no other
i'm top of my class
they say i'm like a lady now
changed or something.
---
so when i murder cancer will you come back to me?
will you?
is it sunday or am i dreaming? it must be sunday, for i do not feel like waking up again. nevertheless i wake up and i get up. no. it's monday.
---
you know that feeling you get when you eat a piece of candy and the disappointment and longing for more when it's dissolved and gone?
can you feel it?
---
i'm always late to school nowadays. before there was my alarm clock and there was her. now i just have the plain piece of mechanism. the first week after i was late everyday but the thursday. thursday i didn't sleep at all. i even tried setting up my own obstacle course. i put my alarm clock on the far side of my bed so i couldn't reach it without walking to it. i fell asleep on the floor. next day i put it in a drawer, locked it and put the key on the bookcase. i slept with it ringing in my ear. i was that determined. next day i put it in the living room. i couldn't hear it then.
i always win over my alarm clock, the poor soul
but her voice always woke me up
---
i'm always forgetting things nowadays.
nobody there to remind me to take the house keys.
---
don't talk about lunch or dinner or supper or breakfast
i'm learning how to cook from a library cookbook
i go to the library every time i get locked out
steady progress, steady
---
i always told her off when she told me off
screamed and tackled her when she told me to do homework
or clean my room
or spend less
study more
daydream less
watch less tv, it's bad for my eyes
now my homework tackles me, she's not here to help me with it
stupid algebra
i clean my room all the time, it takes my mind off the silence
spend nothing, there's nothing to spend
and i used to laugh at buttons in piggy banks...
don't talk about dreams either. i have none
okay?
i don't watch tv anymore
maybe the silence is better for me
---
oh the silence
it's painful
---
and you understand right?
you understand that i have to wash my own clothes
cook my own food
earn my own money
talk to myself
play piano for nobody
ask myself what to wear and ask library books how to wear them?
you understand?
no believe me, there is a section for library book on how to tie up hair and it's actually very informative
---
where's dad?
working.
where're my friends?
talking about boys probably
hey, what's laughter again?
---
funny.
funny how i get A+ in my maths now.
it's pretty easy to do it actually
just get rid of your mum.
literally.
funny how i don't like rock music anymore
i never thought my obsessions would end
funny that pink isn't my favourite colour anymore
i like grey now
no. i really do, believe me
please?
manners, what good are they now?
---
mummy can you see me?
i'm a good girl now
i cried too much and he left me
that's okay, you were right
i'm strong
but i still shatter when i think of you
crumble under the weight of the air
i can do maths now
i clean my room
i can cook
i can sew
i can play piano like my teacher
i can sing
i can paint
i can write like no other
i'm top of my class
they say i'm like a lady now
changed or something.
---
so when i murder cancer will you come back to me?
will you?
No really, if your mother died from Cancer, wouldn't you miss her? Just a little?
But relax a little. My mother is alive and well. Thankfully she does not suffer from cancer and has never had to battle with it. I don't actually get A+ in maths and she still does most of the cooking and laundry. I certainly can't and don't earn my own money.
Having said that though, cancer has affected us all. Earlier this year I was touched by many stories of cancer and sold a box of products for Daffodil Day run by the Cancer Council, a widely known Australian charity. And even thought I exaggerated and made up the character in my story, I was severely influenced as I wrote it. So much so that I got teary towards the end. This piece of writing has really made me appreciative towards my mum. And call it corny if you must but try writing one yourself and you might see what I mean.
The lack of punctuation is not because I was lazy. I was originally going to write this story not in free form but formally. But too many fast moving thoughts spammed by head and heavily inspired by =Corina90's writing, I decided to make it this way. Sorry (not really) for the Australian spelling.
------------------------------------------------
Contest entry for =pullingcandy and =KSPhotographic's Cancer Awareness Contest
It is also supported by *ProjectComment
You can view the information in this news article, this journal entry and this journal entry.
All the other amazing entries with so much love, heart soul and spirit within them can be viewed here.
If it pleases you to know, I am also one of the judges for the contest. I am not the only judge, I've asked for permission to enter and I will not be voting for myself. So there.
View the Daffodil Day website for more information on Daffodil Day and Cancer Council Australia. Pink Ribbon Day is also coming up soon. Get involved. Cancer affects everyone.
But relax a little. My mother is alive and well. Thankfully she does not suffer from cancer and has never had to battle with it. I don't actually get A+ in maths and she still does most of the cooking and laundry. I certainly can't and don't earn my own money.
Having said that though, cancer has affected us all. Earlier this year I was touched by many stories of cancer and sold a box of products for Daffodil Day run by the Cancer Council, a widely known Australian charity. And even thought I exaggerated and made up the character in my story, I was severely influenced as I wrote it. So much so that I got teary towards the end. This piece of writing has really made me appreciative towards my mum. And call it corny if you must but try writing one yourself and you might see what I mean.
The lack of punctuation is not because I was lazy. I was originally going to write this story not in free form but formally. But too many fast moving thoughts spammed by head and heavily inspired by =Corina90's writing, I decided to make it this way. Sorry (not really) for the Australian spelling.
------------------------------------------------
Contest entry for =pullingcandy and =KSPhotographic's Cancer Awareness Contest
It is also supported by *ProjectComment
You can view the information in this news article, this journal entry and this journal entry.
All the other amazing entries with so much love, heart soul and spirit within them can be viewed here.
If it pleases you to know, I am also one of the judges for the contest. I am not the only judge, I've asked for permission to enter and I will not be voting for myself. So there.
View the Daffodil Day website for more information on Daffodil Day and Cancer Council Australia. Pink Ribbon Day is also coming up soon. Get involved. Cancer affects everyone.
© 2009 - 2024 Anjellyjoy
Comments13
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That was amazing. I'm on the verge of tears. I haven't lost my mom but I have lost my grandma and I can say that you basically nailed it with this. Absolutly spectacular.